2011/09/27

Cocksucking Considered as One of the Fine Arts (2)

Part 2

In Part 1 of this essay, I discussed what I consider to be the purpose of fine-art cocksucking: to communicate devotion, love, desire, and adoration. I also said that “…artisan cocksucking is not about technique, it is about attitude and purpose.”

In Part 2, I will say what I can about technique. (In the first part, I spoke of an abstract couple as her and him; here, I address my lady reader directly, as I have found the writing style more natural.)

This is an inherently difficult task for several reasons.

  • Cocksucking is a sex act performed by the eyes, with some assistance from other body parts. Its essential skill is communication; the only way that can possibly work is for you genuinely to feel the sense of reverence, love, and gratitude you are trying to convey. Presumably, what you genuinely feel is visible in your expression, and your partner is perceptive enough to read that. If not, I probably can’t tell you in this essay how to work on your non-verbal communication with him.
  • Women differ, and what is physically possible for one may not be for another.
  • Men differ, and what I like and what your lover likes are certain not to match exactly, although there might be some overlap. I have no standing to give you anything like step-by-step advice. Fortunately, he does, provided that you are eager to be trained to please him.
  • I simply don’t have the writing skill to describe the physical actions in sufficient detail, nor do I have the means to illustrate them.
  • Really, the only way to learn this is through practice and real-time guidance, not through reading.

Having said all that, let me see what ideas I can still get across. Use them not as a prescription (though I feel strongly about some of them) but as a starting point for the conversations you will have with your partner.


Tell Him.

As you begin to take up cocksucking as a fine art, let your lover know your intent. Tell him in no uncertain terms that:

  • I want to learn to be a really outstanding cocksucker for you.
  • I will need help from you, but I will help you know how to help me. One thing I need right up front is for you to tell me when I am doing well and pleasing you, and when I am not. Telling me that something isn’t working well or doesn’t feel the best will not upset or offend me or take any time away from my sucking you; I need to learn.
  • I will need to practice a lot, and that means changing the balance of our activities to include more blow jobs; far from minding that, I am eagerly looking forward to it.
  • Cocksucking sessions are going to be longer than usual, because I want them to be more interesting and varied for you.
  • When I suck your cock I want to finish, not just get you excited for something else.
  • I will be very grateful to you if you help to train me.

You will want to ease into this, I imagine. Taken all at one go in such explicit terms, it might induce cardiac arrest in the halest of fellows.

But you do need his buy-in, so to speak, to learn the art. Please recognize that, even as you become an eager student, most men have no experience as teachers: be patient with each other. Chances are that he has never had truly devoted head, nor a feminine orgasm, so you will have to educate him in what you are trying to accomplish.

This bears repeating: most men do not know what good cocksucking is like. Not only from a lack of experience, but from an utter lack of understanding or example.

No Hands.

You’ve probably seen the typical porn-movie blow job scene. The starlet has two hands wrapped around a hard cock, twisting them in opposite directions as she pumps up and down the shaft, with her mouth held over the head.

Stop that right now!

The sex industry has a term to describe the use of hands during cocksucking: it’s called “cheater’s head.” This stems from two facts: hand jobs lead to quicker orgasms, and blow jobs are more expensive. If the customer buys the higher-priced service but can be dispatched quickly, more revenue per minute. Yes, I know: depressing. You see it in porn a lot because shoots have schedules, and nobody can afford having the couple spend a pleasant hour together. The director needs the cum shot and hands make it quick and easy. If the guy wants good head he can arrange it on his own time.

Your lover has probably been masturbating for most of his life, and is pretty darn adept at it. Face it: you aren’t going to catch up. And you really don’t want to, because, recall from Part 1, your goal is to lead him to a feminine orgasm. Not a pump-pump-pump here-we-go-Charlie three-minute affair, but a delicate, meandering experience that takes a long time, just as it takes you to wind your way up to climax.

No hands. If you’re tempted to fall back into poor habits, ask for your hands to be bound, or wrap one fist around each of your heels — you are wearing pretty shoes, right?[1] :o) Or, if you are in an owner/submissive relationship, take orders to hold your hands where he likes: behind your back, on your bottom, on your thighs or breasts, or on his bottom or the backs of his legs.

Position, Lighting, Sight Lines.

Covered pretty thoroughly in Part 1, so I will just remind you here: he needs to be able to watch your face and your eyes. Watching the back of your head will not cut it.

One exception: if you are inverted (e.g. supine on a bed with your head hanging off the edge) for a throat-fuck, you have to give up on eye contact — can’t help that.

Avoid Distractions.

Every now and then it can be ok to combine cocksucking with other activities: as for example in a session of 69ing. From time to time I have my belovèd masturbate while she worships my cock, just because I so enjoy the feeling of being deep in her mouth when she cums.

But as a general rule, artful cocksucking needs concentration and focus, and for best results it should be the only activity both partners are involved in.

Good Girls Give Sloppy Head.

If you try to give a neat, tidy blow job, you will be doing everything wrong. Oral sex is every bit as messy as vaginal sex and then some: expect a wet spot on chair or floor or bedding or whatever. Just tell yourself ahead of time that it’s a good sign, and you may not get so worried about it.

You will be practicing your art at many times with an open mouth: kissing, lapping, licking, washing, stroking; sucking with extended tongue and wide lips, sucking at an angle. Saliva is plentiful and welcome. For one thing, the lubrication offered when a cock is really sloppy helps to tame the friction and slow down the blow job, which leads in turn to a more feminine climax.

Without hands, any time you let his cock out of your mouth to do something else pretty like sucking his balls for a while, you will eventually have to hunt it down, mouth agape, and capture it. And erections can be elusive. You will be drooling: learn that there is nothing embarrassing or silly about it. Your face will be sloppy and there will be strings of spit hanging off your chin, tumbling to breasts and torso and thighs. It is beautiful. That’s what cocksucking is supposed to look like.

If part way through he tells you you’re an utter mess, break off, smile, tell him “Yay!!!” or “Thank you!” and then get busy again.

If you are being trained for depth: expect copious salivation — waterfalls. Again, a laudable outcome.

Parts.

Cock worship covers at least his penis, tip to root, and his scrotum and its delicate contents. Talk to him ahead of time and decide whether or not it also includes his perineum and his anus. Some men will be uncomfortable having the latter regions explored, some just might feel that each act has its own place.

On your part, use every facility you can bring to bear: lips, tongue, the inside of your cheeks, palate, teeth; face, nose, philtrum, eyelashes… anything and everything.

Don’t be pussy-mouthed! You have a marvelously articulate, expressive, delicate, finely controlled sex organ at your disposal. The very last thing you want to do is to wrap your lips snugly around his cock and bob your head rhythmically up and down, reducing your talented mouth to the one-note song of cunt or asshole. Yes, that’s how you have seen it done, yes, that’s probably what he expects (at first); yes, that will get him off. Don’t do it. Be loving and talented and adoring, not efficient.

Your lips can be a tight seal around his cock, or (unless you are petite and his cock is a bit on the thick side[2]) loose and open. You can suck, kiss, nibble, stroke.

Your tongue can tease with tiny kitten-like licks, lick, lap in broad strokes, bathe. You can use it as a tool to hold or move his cock, or to press it against your cheek or lips or palate.

Your palate and cheeks and the floor of your mouth have their own textures: use them all.

You will be careful with your teeth, I know, but remember that they are not all sharp edges: the surface of your smile, slippery with spit, is another effective tool. Not that a little tiny nibble is always a bad idea, mind you.

Spend part of your devotions with his cock in your mouth, but part with it free. Chase it with your mouth, nose, cheeks, forehead, eyes, ears, chin… rub it with all the pretty contours of the face he loves. Remember that the juxtaposition of your face (which to him is the strongest representation of who you are) and his cock is a powerfully erotic combination. Let him see you loving his cock, hungry for it, eager to please.

Hair.

You have another pretty and sensuous feature right in the neighborhood: your hair. Drape it around his cock for a beautiful change of texture and sensation; drag it across his sensitive balls, let it brush softly over his legs. This facility tends to be terribly overlooked.

While we're on the subject, give some thought in advance to ornaments like bows, hair bands, barrettes, or other ways you have to control your hair style and keep your face visible. What you want to make sure of is that, if your hair is long, it doesn't fall forward to conceal the center of the action from his view.

If you happen to have a long enough cut, consider a braid or ponytail (a blowjob joystick), or pigtails, fondly known to the cocksucking connoisseur as “handlebars.”

Now, I can read what some of you are thinking. Wait: first you tell me that good head is sloppy, so I can expect a drippy cock liberally coated with saliva and the early signs of semen — and now you're telling me to get all that in my hair?

Yes. Yes, I am. Cocksucking is a messy proposition, done well. We haven't even got to the question of where all that lovely cum is going to go. Just take it as a given that, just like after any other interesting sex, you’ll have some cleaning up to do.

A final word about the oft-neglected asset of hair: sometimes it is nice to stroke his cock with it (assuming as always that you have found he enjoys it). I consider this the only exception to the no hands rule. But see what you can do without hands as well.

Control.

Who directs your artful cocksucking? Who is in control as the blowjob develops? Who’s driving?

In a typical artless blowjob in a typical equivalence relationship, the probable answer is that the lady is in control, and her partner is fairly passive. Oh, perhaps he'll come out with an “Oh, that’s good!” from time to time. But often the gent will be afraid to give any guidance, whether spoken or physical. Why? In his mind, he is just one mistake away from having her walk away offended, telling him “Yeah, well you can just suck your own stupid cock from now on.”

In an owner/submissive relationship, or analogous ones, you might expect to find the opposite: his verbal or physical guidance, and her obedience.

I find a blend to be much more satisfactory, and I think it would work just as well in an equivalence relationship as it does for owner and belovèd. This really shouldn’t be surprising: all good sex involves sharing, exchange, observation and reaction, communication and adjustment.

In Empty Nest[3], I introduce the idea of taking turns at control as compared to a jazz music practice called trading eights (or another number). The basic idea is: let me hear your musical interpretation for eight bars, while I support you with chords and rhythm; then let us switch rôles so that I’m improvising against the theme and you’re supplying the basis for it.

Applied to fine-art cocksucking, it works very well. You drive: use your intuition, empathy, experience, and all your physical skills to give him pleasure. After a time, he drives: whether by holding and directing your head (handlebars, anyone?), having you hold still while he takes control of the moving parts, or simply by instructing you.

This is open to many intermediate shades as well. When I am letting my belovèd show me what she can do, I often restrict her to a region (“Balls only for now”) or challenge her with a limited choice of technique (“Just kiss, no licking or sucking”). Similarly, when I am at the wheel, I might be interested in controlling depth and breathing but not every last lick or suck.

Another nice side effect: taking turns gives you the chance to slow the progress of his arousal, by mixing in techniques that are not as directly stimulating.

Time To Talk.

An old riddle runs: Q: Why do men like blow jobs? A: Five minutes of quiet.

Which is trebly sad: good head takes a long time, relationships are supposed to be on a much friendlier basis than the joke implies, and… you shouldn’t be quiet.

Talk to him while you worship his cock. Add your words to your actions and your reverent, loving expression. Tell him how he has re-earned your love today, or what about him makes you so turned on, or why you feel so close to him, or how grateful you are that he has given you the opportunity for cock-worship — all the usual things that lovers want to hear about themselves from lovers. Do it between licks and laps and sucks, by all means. But also, talk to him when you are sucking his cock and your mouth is occupied.

Three great reasons: you reinforce your love (see above). You excite him like crazy sounding gagged by cock (it will make him feel large, which without opening that whole much-visited can of ego-worms, can’t be a bad thing). And by trying to be articulate while you are stuffed, you will naturally provide many interesting physical sensations. Talking, or attempting to, is an easy way to make sure your mouth is busy in fascinating ways.

Cum.

The most interesting characteristic of a solid-fuel rocket is this: once it’s lit, it’s going: there is no off switch or throttling back or cancelation. There is no slow.

This is brought to mind as I consider my next topic: orgasm. Perhaps this is only personal — I have no real means of comparing — but there comes a point at least for me when the shuttle is leaving the pad no matter what.

So, having given your lover endless memorable exciting devoted pleasure, in a service of reverence and adoration, communicating to him your excitement and desire and love… you face an ageless question.

What do you do with the cum?

So, let’s start with thinking about what it is.

Cum is a distillation of his spirit, his person, his self: who he is in concentrated form, in both a metaphorical and a biological sense. It is a tribute. It is praise: unmistakable, unforgeable praise for loving service well given. It is appreciation. It is joy made tangible and tasty.

You’re not going to hock that into a cup or a bathroom sink like it’s nasty. Run and spit and brush your teeth? Nope. (I read a post on-line a few years ago by a woman who kept a bedside cup like a little semen wastebasket. I felt so sad for her partner — how minimized he must have felt.)

What you do with his precious, wonderful, joyful praise is cherish it.

Love it. Enjoy it. Play with it.

Make cum bridges between your lips. Squeeze it between your teeth. Blow bubbles. Dribble a little into your hand and wash your face with it. Hold it in your mouth until he wants it in your tummy. Use it for lip gloss. Put a little on a finger and rub it on your clit. Recycle (see Eco-friendly in Flash Fiction XI). Treasure his gift to you.

On average, 2 to 5 milliliters of pure, concentrated “I love you so very much; thank you.” Beautiful.

Facials.

On the other hand, maybe that precious, welcome dose of distilled praise doesn’t end up in your mouth.

There are two schools of thought with respect to facials (ejaculation on your face). One is that it is degrading or insulting, to spill body fluids on someone’s face. I have certainly read comments from women who feel that this is the case, as well as from men who believe it and enjoy the debasement they perceive. There are readers for whom my fiction is squicky because of the prevalent facials.

The other is that there is nothing that beautifies, celebrates, honors, and praises a woman so much as to decorate her, adorn her, visibly praise her with one’s very essence as a man.

I will dig my heels in here. The first of those opinions is wrong. The second is truth.

My own belovèd is a beautiful lady at any time. When she wears my praise on her lovely face I can hardly breathe for how stunningly perfectly wonderful she looks. And I know from the source that she feels loved and honored to be so bejeweled. Only a princess gets to wear pearls on her eyelashes, after all.[4] :o)

One last word on the topic: think of your facial as a caress from your lover. Just as you would not pull away, turn away, flinch, or scrunch up your features were he to reach for your face to stroke it, you treat his gift with excitement and grateful pride as well.

Force, Depth, and Gagging.

Gentle love-making is often welcome and desired by both parties, but I think most of us have shared the experience of wanting something vigorous, energetic, and unrestrained. Forceful face-fucking is certainly a side of artful cocksucking to be considered.

It might be that you are supplying the energy and pace, but the most easily imagined scenario is that your lover is immobilizing your head, by holding it, or by holding your hair, or by positioning you so that you can’t move it, and fucking your mouth with little restraint.

Where this can become difficult is if, in thrusting into your mouth, he inadvertently or deliberately pushes past your gag threshold. There is a good deal of variation to be considered here, but as a rule of thumb you can probably hold two or three inches of him (about a third to a half of an average erection) before your gag reflex triggers — assuming you have not been trained for depth.

This is not inherently bad. That is, there is nothing harmful to you in a momentary blockage of your airway, and nothing unattractive about the sound of gagging or the visible reactions. The difficulty is that the gag reflex makes you panic; an appropriate reaction given the evolutionary assumption that objects at the back of your mouth pose a serious danger. And there’s a risk that to clear the implied threat your body will react even more strongly.

Like any reflex, it can be trained away in some people, but not all. If you want to participate in deep-throat cocksucking and forceful face-fucking, there is no royal road: it takes patient practice. Wearers of contact lenses can learn to tolerate a controlled-circumstances fingertip on the eyeball, but it isn’t easy at first. Similarly, expect to control your instinct to gag only after long, persistent effort. Not everyone will succeed: the reflex can be too strong to overcome. It is no indictment of your performance if you are in that group.

Inversion.

Fine cocksucking is a visual art, an eye-contact communication. There is one exception to this that is worth calling out, because it would be a shame to omit it from your expressive set of skills.

Inversion, up-side-down cocksucking, blocks the ordinarily essential line of sight. A typical position would be to have you supine on a bed, with your head just off the edge of the bed, tilted backward slightly; and to have your partner stand facing you, cock to mouth.

There is a drawback to this position, and a couple of advantages. The drawback is that your tongue is now naturally in contact with the upper side of his cock. Nothing wrong with that, but it does make it harder to reach the sensitive frenulum of the prepuce of the penis on the lower surface.

An advantage is that the inverted position straightens out your throat. It’s likely that, if you are not yet adept at taking his whole cock, in this position you will at least comfortably suck more of it than usual.

Another advantage: good girls give sloppy head. Inverted, all those lovely waterfalls tumble up your face, making you a very messy girl indeed. So pretty!


To recap: I have not told you anything useful in this essay. What I have pointed out are a few things you can talk about, try, and explore with your lover. They then turn into useful things, because you and he have fitted them into your needs and desires.

Enjoy your reverence. Enjoy his adoration. Keep your eyes open. Play. Love.

Notes:

1. In my as yet unpublished essay “The Six Reasons to Wear High Heels,” this is secret bonus reason number seven. Not so secret now.

2. I’m not naming names. She knows who I mean :o)

3. Not published, and I am aware that it’s dreadful of me to keep mentioning stories you can’t go read. I apologize.

4. I have omitted from this essay any discussion of cum in the eyes, recognizing that few people view it as desirable or even tolerable. There may be a future essay on the topic. In the mean time, if the notion interests you, write to me.

— Frenulum


5 comments:

  1. *raises hand* Mr Frenulum, Mr Frenulum, I have a question! On sloppiness and lubrication, do you have or know of any advice for people with chronic hyposalivation? There are various salivants, sure, but what might one do with a less than ideal flow of saliva?

    (Three minutes? Really?)

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  2. Amy, thanks for speaking up. Your question wanders into the realm of medical advice, so I'll start by admitting I'm not qualified to answer — and then try to.

    There are artificial saliva products, as you mentioned. A brand called Biotene includes mouthwash, toothpaste, and gum that are meant to relieve dry mouth. Available OTC.

    It might be worthwhile talking to a physician about Sjogren's Syndrome, one symptom of which is dry mouth. There are prescription remedies for the condition.

    But I suppose your real question is not how to remedy hyposalivation but how to suck cock if you are dealing with it. That's outside of my experience. All that occurs to me is that it might help to add a lubricating food: honey, cream, syrup... something like that. Another idea: interrupt vaginal sex when he feels himself start to ooze, and use the semen to help with cocksucking. Readers? Please chime in here. Anyone with experience or ideas?

    As to my "three minutes" quip: I know of one study that reported vaginal intercourse averages "3 to 7 minutes" before ejaculation. I'm willing to bet that many men can hit the low end of that range by hand.

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  3. I love cock worship and adore spending hours sucking, licking, kissing, lapping, and choking! Thank You for pointing out that cum is praise, love, and gratitude in liquid form. Yay for happy food!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Don't get Me wrong... I love having My Cock worshipped, I also love it when a babygirl Nurses on My Cock. I do not enjoy quickies of any sort. and I love much of what you have written - but I also have this to say:

    2 years ago I got a sympathy bj from a good friend who happens to be Domme and, since I am totally Dom we are friends whose sexuality does not match in the least. the bj was wonderful... and not only because it was the first I'd had in 7 years because I spent 3 in prison and 4 too angry at females to let them touch Me tho I had no trouble having deep friendships with several (in general due to the fact that the Love of My Life divorced Me while I was locked up and attempted to get everything including My pride, My home, My businesses and custody of our children...)

    so, while I like much of your treatise, I think you make assumptions and valuations as if you know everything about sexuality and blowjobs and reasons people enjoy having sexual relations with each other. and I think that by definition you lose a lot with that attitude.

    I love experiencing Cock Worship. I also enjoy blow jobs. They are different.

    I also enjoy giving Head to and copulating with women with whom I am having a relationship. I do not do either with a woman *unless* I am having a relationship with them. But I can still enjoy receiving a bj or playing control games and bdsm activities with women whether or not there is a relationship.

    I do not expect Worship from a woman with whom I am not in a relationship. You describe Cock Worship and not blow jobs in your treatise.

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    Replies
    1. For the sake of reply let’s stipulate your distinction between cock worship and blow jobs. Given that, I feel that my life is too short to fit in a blow job. I’m happy that both work for you. I believe that regrettably few men and women know the potential of fellatio, and that it is important to provide some education.

      As for “control games,” that world or that approach is closed to me. I don’t understand it and doubt I ever will. For me, the owner/beloved relationship is a life of two natures, satisfying and reflecting each other. It is not a game. I know that some people play at it but I just do not get it — which is fine with me. I don’t think I want to.

      This essay is "Cocksucking Considered as One of the Fine Arts," not "Cocksucking Considered as a Cheap Quick Easy Way To Get Off When it’s Convenient." So I will stand by it on those terms.

      Thanks for your contribution.

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