They are not pet peeves, mind you. If there is a sense of “pet” that means the ones that really, really make one see red — and I am not sure there is — then these three are not pets. But they came up in close proximity, and so I choose to gripe aloud.
Wait. Not aloud. What’s the blog equivalent of aloud? Hmm. Does anyone out there have a screen-reader so I don’t have to think about this?
Anyway…
Three peeves from one trip to a restaurant. First:
“How many?”
“Three.”
“Awesome. This way.”
“Awesome? Really? Awesome? No. The aurora borealis is awesome. The Lockheed SR-71 is awesome. A child acquiring language is awesome. The so-called “dark matter” in DNA is awesome. The submission of a strong capable powerful independent self-reliant brilliant woman to one and only one man is awesome. Seating three people for dinner is routine, mundane, uninteresting, perhaps even tedious. If that’s your definition of awe, give up now.
Second:
“Are you guys ready to order?”
Well, first of all, obviously by inspection, we are not guys. I might be a “guy” if you knew me better, which you don’t, so that’s rather an impolite address to begin with, but in any case that won’t work for the other two-thirds of the party.
In English, the second-person singular is you, and the second-person plural is you. It really is not that hard. “Are you ready to order?”
An exemption for certain parts of the southern United States: the second-person singular is you, the second-person plural is y’all, and the second person comprehensive — everybody — is all y’all. But none of those blatantly push the women in the group into a male-slang box.
Third:
“Are you still working on that?”
Oh. You consider that eating the food served in this establishment is onerous? You seek to relieve me of the burden of lifting yet another forkful of barely not poisonous slop to my mouth? Really? I thought I was here to enjoy eating, as a pleasure. Work? Sit down and let me tell you what my work is until you face-plant into the table from insufferable boredom. And no, by the way, you cant’t turn the table yet, I still have a little wine left, not that it’s all that good.
Whew.
I get these moods sometimes. Thank you for bearing with me.
— Frenulum
=)
ReplyDeleteloved it. i have peeves too. especially when dining out. so I get it.
Share them, please!
DeleteAnd thank you for the smile and support.
the most recent one was the lady asking me how I found my dinner. i had finished my mains (noodles) and was nibbling on some side dishes (meant for sharing) and using the plate that my main dish was on as a crumb-catching dish.
Deletei told her it was fabulous and she took my plate. i stopped her. she said "oh, i thought you finished"
well, yes, i have, but i'm still using the plate, i informed her.
besides, isn't it rude to just remove a plate without asking the diner first?
I'm so impressed you know the difference in "y'all"s. Nothing grates more than a, usually, fictional character addessing one person with "How y'all doing?"
ReplyDeleteYou're talking to one person, do you see an all here? Is this the inverse of the royal "we"? You figure when you speak everyone is listening?
Very funny. I'm a fan now.
Oh oh, it's even worse when someone comes around and types something (in fiction) like "ya'll." We're southerners, not morons. We know how contractions work and that is not it.
ReplyDeleteI am very much enjoying the responses to this. Y'all are making me smile :o) Thanks, that came in handy today. My Little Rock and Yazoo City grandmas would be proud of their North-as-it-gets offspring.
ReplyDelete