In no particular order. Does not include novelty songs, just the standard playlist.
- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
- My mother is a whore for presents and my father is clueless. And somehow that’s funny.
- The Little Drummer Boy
- Nobody likes drum solos, kid. Especially not parents of an infant. Get lost in a hurry. Also, see somebody about those animal hallucinations.
- Feliz Navidad
- I want to wish you a merry funeral pyre lit by the sheet music of your mindless, repetitive, pointless crap. Oh god not another repeat, seriously?
- Little Saint Nick
- “Christmas comes this time each year” — oh, is that it? Really? It’s been hitting me by surprise for decades — could this truly be the secret? Oh my goodness. It’s so clear now.
- The Twelve Days of Christmas
- The seasonal version of “99 Bottles of Beer.” Start with verse 12 and get it over with.
- It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas
- “Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.” Well, maybe in the severely dysfunctional family you grew up in, but I happen to love and enjoy my children and wish them close.
- Away In a Manger
- “No crying he makes.” As a child, I felt that this set an unreasonable standard. My resentment lingers to this day.
— Frenulum
‘Last Christmas’
ReplyDeleteI suck at relationships and let a loser bone me last Christmas. I’ve learned nothing, and am going to put out for another semi-random dude this year.
Don't know that one -- sounds like that's a good thing :-)
DeleteI bet you’ve heard it...
ReplyDelete“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special...”
Wham wrote it, and Taylor Swift perfected it by adding her whiny teenage vocal style to the adolescent logic of the lyric.
So yeah, if you really haven’t heard it, that’s a good thing ;-)
The title didn't jog the memory, but yes indeed, I've heard it often. Too often, to add my vote to yours.
Delete