If you haven’t read Lust for Elsa this would be a good time to take a look. For it’s that time of year again: my dear friend TL is teaching a fresh class of fetish-clad half-naked tartlets the Human Reproduction lesson.
And I am once again enthralled by the competing emotions of these mostly-innocent, predominantly-virgin girls: their feelings of doubt, apprehension, fear (mostly driven by rumor and lies), and a desire to cling to the safe territory of childhood, mixed in equal measure with fascination, anticipation, eager arousal, and a sense that in adulthood there are wonders to be found. Their hunger for facts is intense; the first few tentative, embarrassed questions open the floodgates of inquiry. I find that delightful.
Every year, what astounds me is TL’s assertion that most of the girls have never so much as looked at their own bodies. “Draw us a picture, so we know how all these parts are arranged,” they clamor. Never looked, never touched, never dreamt of masturbation. It is a level of sheltered innocence that I find stunning.
To be fair and honest I should have listed TL as the co-author of Lust for Elsa; I will at least take this opportunity to articulate my gratitude once again.
— Frenulum
First, yes, yes, yes...if you have not read Lust for Elsa or any of Mr. Frenulum's other works, you should; it's well worth it on many levels.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I am not astounded by TL's assertion that most girls have never looked at their own bodies. If they were raised any way near like I was, female sexuality was either directly or impliedly a shameful topic in the home, all the while the "boys will be boys" encouragement of male sexuality existed.
In my childhood home, it was cute when boys found and explored their bodies; but it was embarrassing or shameful for girls to be self-aware. My father, much to his very limited credit, gave me "the talk" when I was eleven or twelve. Some 30 years later I can still vividly recall the embarrassment, and lack of experience, that emanated off of him during this talk. I innately recognized my mother simply did not want to be involved; in fact, I waited three days before telling her of my first menstrual cycle.
Certainly, I cannot be the only one socialized this way. It actually is a bit heart breaking to think even today girls are raised with this skewed view, especially when you consider that things like Our Bodies, Ourselves came out nearly 40 years ago. I hope more people, regardless of gender, are being raised with acceptance and understanding of their sexual nature.
I know I never dreamt of masturbation until I was in my late 20s and that was only after having no sexual relations for nearly a year. At 42, I've only very recently become comfortable even walking into a sex shop...now I even talk to the clerks in the shop (although I do selection women oriented shops). I hope younger generations don't struggle like I have because, man, they'll be missing out on some really fun stuff if they do.
Thank you for your frank and interesting comments.
ReplyDeleteIn my childhood home, there was no acknowledgement of sex for boys or girls. Eventually I stumbled on a multi-volume set of books on child-rearing, the last of which included a chapter on giving “The Talk.” One phrase is still vivid in my mind: “The penis is inserted into the vagina.” I remember my startled and disbelieving reaction; “What? It comes off?” — for I had no concept that two people would ever be proximate enough for that to work any other way.
I would be encouraged if the young ladies were coming to TL’s Anatomy class merely ignorant. What I find dreadfully sad is that so many have been programmed against being sexual. The student’s remark in Lust for Elsa that “Only a slut would touch herself” is unfortunately straight from the classroom.
I don’t have an equivalently wonderful inside source into the world of young men. I tend to doubt things are much better, given the generally idiotic preoccupation with other people’s sex lives that seems to predominate in public debate.
Thank you again for your thoughtful contribution.