Wednesday

To talk about pleasure I have to acknowledge pain.

I do not want to cause my belovèd pain — my purpose is her joy. She does not enjoy pain; has never wanted it despite life-long spanking fantasies.

But being spanked is the most submissive act she knows. Submission is sexual and therefore being spanked is the most sensual, arousing, sexual, satisfying act she knows. Similarly, dominance carried out in such an unmistakable, direct, emphatic way arouses and satisfies my nature.

The want/don’t-want tension is constant. Ultimately, if rarely, the former trumps the latter for both of us.

But on Wednesday, there was cause, meaning that pain was already present. Heart pain, the pain of not meeting a standard, of not correcting an issue, of falling short of who she wants to be for me and for her own self-measure. Heart pain lingers and worsens, as I have written elsewhere. It can be transmuted into bottom pain, whence it can fade away.

So… let us focus on the pleasures.

One, very strong for me, is to watch her wait for my word, come over to me from corner when I call her, wait for the silent hand signal to lie across my lap — and to obey without hesitation. Her face is such a beautiful amalgam of apprehension and anticipation, of anguish and desire: but it always bears trust as well, and the need, need, NEED to submit to her Sir. Because Wednesday consisted of a number of cycles of waiting and spanking, I was able to enjoy and appreciate variations on this lovely moment many times.

I will mention as well a pleasure strong for her. Submission is sex to a natural submissive, and there are very welcome, expected, and exciting manifestations of that truth over the course of a long morning. I do not find it concerning or distracting at all to let spanking and arousal and satisfaction blend freely; indeed, I think we would both say that spanking is a kind of love-making, and that the distinction is empty.

She settled over my lap. I adjusted her; I waited for her to get a good strong clutch of the bedclothes in both hands; I waited for her to settle. Then we began.

— Frenulum