I watched for a while. Waiting is something significant to both of us: the pause that clearly communicates that nothing else matters. Once she found a place for her hands, she was still; I admire that.
In time, I walked silently to her. It was not necessary to speak, because the situation was one we had discussed hundreds of times. With care and respect and a shared sense of all the action meant, I took hold of her panties and lowered them, past her bottom, down her legs.
She is an independent, capable, self-sufficient, strong, decisive, influential, powerful woman. Which gives meaning to her submission. That is the kernel. Weakness cannot submit. Helplessness cannot submit. Only a whole, strong person can give her Self with joy and pride.
She waited for me, bare, vulnerable, exposed, undefended... hopeful. For as long as I needed her to.
— Frenulum
I think it sounds lovely... and true... only a strong person can submit and have it mean something :)
ReplyDeleteExactly. I have often said, and written to people who write and ask me about the owner/submissive relationship, “There is no pleasure in dominating a doormat.” A weak, helpless pushover has nothing of value to give an owner, for he would only get the same dull compliance she shows to everyone else in the world.
ReplyDeleteThe gift of the submissive’s Self to her owner must be a gift from equality. Two people with equal moral value, equal stature, equal humanity, equal competence and strength: equally loving, equally devoted, equally respectful — and equally invested in the other’s exaltation.
Only then is the relationship of non-equivalence on a solid foundation.
Thank you very much for your comment.
As a very... vanilla person I find the struggle to be both strong and submissive a contradiction that I cannot understand. I am feeling my way through a relationship with my husband that is 36 years in the making... and find myself thinking Vanilla is safer...
ReplyDeleteStrong and submissive are far from contradictory.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, as I define and practice the owner/submissive relationship, the strength of the submissive is a sine qua non.
Think of it this way: my belovèd is strong, self-controlled, influential, a leader, capable, decisive — with everyone but me. So her conscious gift to be submissive to just one has tremendous value. Granting me the ownership of her Self: body, mind, and will, is an unparalleled treasure; it is also an honor unlike any other, and a responsibility to take as sacred.
You can be strong. And from a position of strength and competence, you can give your husband your Self. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you free.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment.
This is true - but.... in order for it to work I believe both parties have to be consistent in their interactions - which is where the rub comes in - at least for me... I recently posed the question: Are compliant and submissive the same - I am a very compliant person - which makes me submissive ... to my husband of MANY years - on the outside - the inside - the well spring of true submission... I have not yet learned to give as freely. But here is the inconsistency factor - I'm not ever really sure how my dearest friend in the whole world - my husband - will react...sometimes it is a giving of structure and sometimes it is whatever makes you happy...
ReplyDeleteAnon Nan
To answer you properly would take volumes (just the outline of topics is more than 100 lines long) and I know I need to get busy on that.
ReplyDeleteCompliant and submissive: well, first of all, words can get terrifically personal as individuals load them with nuance. For example, I am my belovèd’s owner, and some people react strongly (negatively) to that. But she is not a possession, or an object, or a pet, or a slave; nor do I exert ownership by demeaning, degrading, dehumanizing, or diminishing her. Owning her means that I have taken responsibility for her joy, her elation, her pride, her exaltation; that I will be her guide and mentor; that I will be her safety net as she explores edges with me; that I will adore her as she serves me in the ways that she needs to. And she needs my control, command, and ownership to be whole and satisfied.
I digress. Compliant to me is a behavior. In a given situation one person might be compliant, and in another circumstance firm and decisive. Submissive is a nature — submissive is who one is. It is not a matter of behavior, but of constitution; certainly it is not something to switch on or off or to play at.
Yes, the internet is awash with people who play at acting dominant or submissive every now and then. One thing I wish to do is to reclaim the word from the play-actors.
My belovèd is a submissive with all the force and permanence that she is a woman. The word describes her nature and defines her needs; the resulting behaviors, of which obedience is but one, are expressions of that nature.
On the question of you and your husband: I have no standing as a counselor and of course know you only through a few words. I can just offer this: I have been thinking about and practicing my personal definition of the owner/submissive relationship for a very long time. It certainly took that time to get things right, and what I did was get them right for two specific individuals. I will write as much as I can about how I see such relationships, but you two will have to take the principles that fit and discard the ones that don’t, and probably try some things that don’t work out for you.
I wish you the best.
Thanks Fred - you are eloquent... I like your words - they are tasteful and thoughtful and easy to see snapshots of a relationship you treasure.
ReplyDelete