We had talked about spanking often. About her fantasies, beginning early in her childhood, about youthful experimentation (by both of us), about never finding an intimate partner she could trust with that much vulnerability. Until she gave her Self to me.
We talked about spanking as a definitive symbol and act of submission and ownership, obedience and control. About how much we both desired it on those grounds. But my rule has always been: spanking is earned discipline for deliberate disobedience. To use it as anything else would be a betrayal of my self-regard as a gentle man.
She stopped telling me that she wanted me to spank her; she started to say that she needed me to. I saw truth in her eyes.
As the conversations played out over months and years of her perfect service, we both realized that she would never be disobedient. She has mature self-restraint and full understanding, and simply could not earn a spanking for misbehavior. It was an unsolvable impasse: she unable to disobey me, I unable to discipline her without just cause.
One day she said: “It is just so unfair that a good girl can’t get a spanking!”
That really hit home. It occupied my thoughts for weeks, constantly. I realized, eventually, that I had a choice: spank her despite her flawless, devoted submission, and cause a temporary pain in her lovely bottom, or refuse to, and cause the permanent, life-long pain of a desperate, hopeless, unsatisfied need. As her owner, responsible for caring for her and seeing to her joy, I knew what to choose.
And so she stood at the window, her hands on her head, her panties around her knees.
— Frenulum
Unearned - but sought. I understand this. I found it a wonderful prelude to sexual encounters. My husband of many years spanked when we were married - for the prechildren years - then time and work separated and I found myself 34 years later saying - I want it back. I had friends that frequently earned themselves a place over something that nicely presented a bare rear end for correction. My husband of all those encounters heard me asking for a similar arrangement...and said I never was bad enough to earn a spanking. And I was so hard on myself (mentally) - he couldn't possibly be comfortable inflicting more pain (physically). A standoff - and I was desperately wanting him to care enough to understand my need. He did - he does - we are finding our way back to something precious.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!
ReplyDelete“Tuesday” touches on the fact that we had a similar problem. I was the firm disciplinarian who would never spank except for deliberate disobedience, and she was the flawless submissive who never even slipped a little bit.
It took a while to realize that, spanking or no spanking, there was pain involved. Too long, probably, in retrospect.
I am happy things are beginning to work out for you, and I thank you for your comment.
Yes - you and I - we are both learning... as is my husband. We even had an attitude adjustment situation - that did adjust my attitude - not a bad one - just a mood that sometimes takes over that says - I'm sad and I have no reason to be sad. He found the solution. hahaha
ReplyDeleteI wasn't disobedient - but I needed the loving hand of correction. It was the right response and I didn't even know it until it happened.
Anon Nan
I can certainly imagine how effective that attitude adjustment could have been! Straight from moody sadness to deep, happy gratitude in... what probably seemed like a longer time than it was :o)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a treasure - I do adore him - the years had brought children, life interruptions, work that consumed us and finally a closeness but not necessarily intimacy until we both started trying again. He surprises me - and no doubt I catch him off guard, too.
ReplyDeleteAnon Nan